Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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