Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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