I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
