Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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