whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
