AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
