why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
