Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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