there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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