gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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