did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pooping to opera.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
