i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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