I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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