is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
