2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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