the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
