Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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