how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i believe in u and ur pee
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
