So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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