like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
