Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
