who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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