I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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