i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
