ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
