i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
