R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
