there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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