He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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