Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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