she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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