ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
