alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
