you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
