K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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