I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
