i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
