A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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