So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
