Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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