what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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