highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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