I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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