He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
