So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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