I want to make a zoo with you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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