I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
