Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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