I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
