We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
even my farts smell like vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
