When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your cock deserves a montage
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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