Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
