this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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