i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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