i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
