I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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