omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
