I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
