we have officially lost it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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