Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
