An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
