and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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