i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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