You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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