We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
