the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize