I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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