Pappa wants mamma naked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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