So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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