who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
